Close Encounters of the Post Office Kind

     A few months before I moved to Italy “for a year” I came to Rome with my mom to get the apartment ready. One of the things on her agenda for that short visit was to make sure I knew where the nearest post office was. I shrugged my shoulders and went along with it, thinking “Ok...yeah...I mean I guess it's good to know. I might have to mail a letter or send a package one day...” When we arrived at what she deemed to be the closest one, she handed me a bill to pay. I was confused. What did paying a bill have to do with going to the post office? I look back on that moment now and smile tenderly at my innocent, naïve, little self.

      You see, in the US we're all used to the bills being delivered once a month and then writing a check and sending it through the mail. The only reason to go to the post office is if you're out of stamps. Not so in Italy. First of all, the bills are delivered on either a bi-monthly, tri-monthly, and, in some cases, quarterly basis. So you basically NEVER know if a bill is late of if for some reason you failed to receive it, unless you have created some sort of organized flow chart to help you keep track. When bills do arrive, you absolutely must open them immediately because it's very possible that the expiration date for payment is the next day. At that point you have to give up on whatever else you were planning on doing the next morning and make a specific trip to the dreaded post office, which is only open until 13:30 (1:30pm) and does not reopen in the afternoon. Please note that even if the bill arrives well before the expiration date, writing a check and sending it through the mail is still not an option. You will eventually have to find time to go to the post office anyway, because if there are two things that Italians don't trust it is checks and the mail system. How ironic.

      Now, one of the few things that the Italian post office has in common with the American post office is the long wait. But, and here I've got to hand it to Italy, they have a very convenient numbered ticket system, so you can get your ticket and then have a seat and wait for your number to come up on the digital display.... If you can get a seat. There will always be a thousand people ahead of you and even if/when you finally get a seat you can count on some little old lady with a cane walking in. You will look desperately around hoping that someone beats you to it, but no. Everyone will be engrossed in conversation on their cell phone or reading the paper or just blatantly pretending not to see her. Eventually you too will become one of those people... But I digress.

      As I mentioned, there is almost always a long wait at the post office. I don't know why that is. Even if the number on your ticket is only five digits away on the digital display, you can count on waiting at least half an hour. And that's on a good day. Sometimes you're forty digits away on the display. And that's why it's good to know of a couple more post offices in the area. Since there's no need to hold your place in line, you can leave to see if you have better luck somewhere else. But hold onto your number!!! You may be forced to come back if you can't find anything better. Of course, no matter what, leaving is risky, because there's always the chance that other people before you have given up on the long wait and that means that the numbers start flying by and that if you leave you could end up getting skipped. It's a tough call.

      Post Office encounters can sometimes occur up to three times a month. That's a bad month. Maybe you get something sent by registered mail and aren't there to sign for it and instead have to go pick it up in person. Maybe expiring bills show up in the same month, creating multiple trips. And maybe you have a Post Office bank account and need to make a deposit. Yes, I said Post Office bank account. Because obviously the post office is also a bank. And a cell phone provider. It's no wonder that the one thing the Italian post office really isn't good at at all is delivering the mail. But, if you think about it, nothing in the title “Post Office” specifically says that the post office is only to be in charge of the comings and goings of people's communication. I mean, in a sense, even the US post office is somewhat diversified in it's services. I know I've used postal money orders. And I've glanced at all of those America's Most Wanted pictures like a responsible and helpful citizen. And I think they do some sort of passport processing, or something like that. So maybe it's not all that different after all.

      Oh, wait. Yes it is. Because for anything you need to go to the post office for in the US there is one line. In Italy there is a numbered ticket for paying bills and dealing with other simple fiscal matters, another for mail services, and then no number at all (which is just irritating at this point) for more complex banking issues. In truth this division of tickets according to services provided is normally a good thing. That is until you have tickets for two different services and your two numbers get called at the same time and then you have to start all over again with one of them. It's sort of like trying to be at an EPA and a chorus call at the same time (I know I have actor friends out there who know what I'm talking about). The only people who have it good at the post office are pregnant women because in Italy there is a law that pregnant women don't have to wait on lines. Seriously. I'm looking into basketballs.

      A few years have passed since that first trip with my mother to the post office. I've grown, I've learned, I've developed post office strategies. But most importantly, I now pay my bills online.

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